Last night was pleasing.

Hey world. Last night wasn't bad at all. Vanessa's mom told me how to make the dish it. I made two pots and I'm glad I did because one pot burned. We discussed our issues and reaffirmed our love. We decided to make promises to each other to never do what we done. It was good. I had to be honest with her, I said when she makes me feel unwanted my mind wonders away. I don't want to do that and I promised her that I wouldn't do her that way. I used to do that in the past all the time. I'd tell her I'm through I don't want her and know damn well I really did. That makes a person feel worthless and its not a good way to handle things unless of course you really mean it.

We ate we watch a quick episode of Cat 8 on netfix and stop watching it early to go to bed around 8:45pm. Our daughter watched school bus rock until she fell alseep. We had a good night holding each other until the morning around 5am when she left her and our daughter gave me a hug and told me they loved me I said the same. Times like this I wish I could hit the lottery so I could give her everything she wants and she wouldn't have to get up so early to run in the rat race for someone else, this was in my mind.

All in all we had a good time so last night I can say was very pleasing.

Date 1 wow what a crazy night

Okay well we went out like I said I took her to the North Bowl. It was a two hour wait for bowling so we decided to just have drinks and possibly go out to eat at an Asian restaurant. From the beginning of the night I was smiling I really felt a new person. I gave her the gift she loved it. I really like this. The night went well and we talked about ourselves in the way that two new people do. My fear about this was that she or I would not love the new person or seem as if all the past to build this love we have would erase. I don't know but the new thing is cool. We walked about six blocks to the bowling alley and it was nice. We went in and it seems for a Saturday night nobody was really there. After about an hourmore women packed the place then men.

We decided to maybe go eat at about 11:15pm. I got to my car and she got to hers and we agreed hey she can stay or park at my place and jump in with me. My intentions was to take her to this restaurant called POD. They were closed. So I decided to take her to chinatown. We never made it there. On the way we had to have a parent conversation so we did.  She asked about what time she could pick up our daughter from my moms. I told her 7 to 7:30. Or if my lil sis doesn't want to go to church early then later. She seemed to not understand that I guess I wasn't being concrete on the time. I kept telling her I got this its cool. That mustve rubbed her the wrong way. I told her do I question you with your mom when it comes to our daughter no I don't so let me take care of it I got it. Well needless to say that turned into a big argument.

I made a u turn and took her back to the parking lot. On the way she turned into the cold quick to say hurtful person again. She started to cuss I was too. It got really intense. When we got back she asked to stay an hour to wear off any alcohol I said cool. When I went in the house she didn't follow me so I figured she mustve changed her mind and she just want her keys so I went upstairs to get her keys. I turned around and she was at the door so I gave them to her. She went to her car and texted me that since I allowed her to get on the road she was done with Tony and Ty forever. I knew she was saying this to hurt me.

I told her after a few text rebuttals exclaiming I'm done too. I said finally u turn your car and come back. Eventually she did and she got in my car. Tempers still flaring we drove a block away and I pulled over. She said to me again alluding to her being done with me. I snapped I went off I told her to get the fuck on then. It went on with me yelling at the top of my lungs for about twenty minutes maybe a little less. I was losing it. I pushed her toward the car door. I don't know why.Someone called the cops. Luckily I pulled off a block or two before they came screaming around the corner. Keep in my this is a quiet surburban township so neighbors was probably all calling at once and at 12 midnight makes it worse.

I felt lucky that I was gone by the time they got there they would've arrested me on site for anything they could. So we still yelled and finally exhaustion set it and I had to stop. The liquor on my empty stomach was making me sick. I drove somewhere I never will go again, Mcdonalds. The only place open and the worst fake food I hate to buy it. I couldn't even swallow the dried up salty plastic tasting fries. I bought her nuggets, six piece. We went back to my place and was still hot but since my son was sleep he's almost 13 we kept quiet. She went in my room to sleep and I stayed in the living room.

I went in my room and asked her to tell me what is it that she wants to do. I just wanted her to tell me rationally that this is what she really feel and not something she's saying out of anger. She said she wanted to stay. I asked her if she wanted me to sleep in the bed beside her she said yeah. We slept and talked and got sleepy and fell alseep. After about twenty minutes of semi sleep I woke up and kissed her. She kissed me back and we made love and went back to sleep. She left about 5 am and we hug and barely kissed. At this time I felt as if I had no other way that I can think of that works so I will start looking to live my life without her.

I got up about 8:30am Sunday morning. I checked my phone I had no text but an email from her and a recommended youtube video. It was Tamar Braxton thinking about you all the way home. In the email she said she doesn't want anybody else and she sorry for talking to me the way she did to hurt me. I was happy to see this but after listening to the songs lyrics I heard her say she just want some time alone. So I said that must be what she's trying to tell me.

I texted her a response saying I love you but I will give you what you want. She said she didn't want that. We exchanged about 7 or 8 textes sharing how much we love each other. It was refreshing. She called me to say she loves me and she doesn't want to ever see me that hurt again. I also apologized to her for my wrong doings as well. We talked more on the phone about marriage weddings holidays celebrations everything. We talked about us. She doesn't want to role play any longer. She just wants to be us but with the same concept. I said that's cool with me. She also told me she slept with the Oshko love bear....:)

We talked for a while, I told her I wanted her here with me and she agreed to come but first she has to go to the bridal shower with my sis. I said okay. I told her I will cook later. She decided to come on now so I can drop her off at the expo instead of finding a parking space. I am waiting. It seems I don't have it in me anymore to walk away from someone I love. Years ago it seemed I could run on a woman as if I did it for a living. But with her I can't move. Almost as if I'm being controlled. My mind won't let me leave her.

Even though we fight more than we love I can't break it off. I still am in love with her and she says she adores me and she wants only me. I am willing to forget the past I don't know about her. I guess I would be upset if she admitted to sleeping with 3 other men. I hope she can forget it. I was single but I know still it was hurtful during our separation. I was hurt with her moving on but I realize I hurt more without her so I would rather not judge her. I hope she can do me the same way.

I am waiting for her to come over. Remembering our conversation at last night's date I decided to cook for her. She said she used to love the smell of homemade gravy growing up in the south. She said when she would smell that cooking on the stove she would look in the pots and always see elbow noodles, soft smoked meat, turkey necks of course for me pinto beans and bisquits. So I am going to remind her of home and cook that for her. The whole apt will smell like that meal. I hope everything goes right tonight.

The beginning of us, the end of us and the new beginning.

Hey world, I always wanted to blog about my relationship sorta like a daily event journal. It's been ten years in and I am just getting started only because something very strange but good has happened so I decided I will blog every moment from this point. Now for those new to this I will create this post to explain what the last ten years have been like. I am skipping a lot of important details but I will go over the crucial highlights.

Okay some time ago I met a beautiful woman named Vanessa. It was very strange how I met her for one she was a friend of my sisters, for two she was the baby's mother of someone that I have worked with at a hotel at the time and he was very close friends with my brother in law.(awkward) Her baby father's name was Jeff. I spoke to Jeff often and played ball with him often. I saw him at work regularly you could say we were cool but we never really hung out. I use to see his baby's mother sometimes with my sister but I never looked at her in any way because I was one who never would try to get with a friend or someone's girl that I new, besides I was busy with my own chicks. I really had no intention on at the very least conversing with her. I'd see her at my sis house and I'd speak quick and be out like she was just any ole body. I just saw her as Jeff's girl. Okay at this time of my life I was modeling in fashion shows and having fun doing it with the attention and love I was getting from so many beautiful women I really didn't think of having a girlfriend. The modeling life in Philly doesn't pay well or at all but it was great for being invited to all the parties free and VIP treatment. Hey working out and looking good has it's advantages. By the way my name is Tony.

Okay as I said my life was quite cool. I was single but not lonely. I was having fun with it. One day the place I lived at the landlord wanted to move back in and I was forced to move. It was cool because I understood his situation. I decided at this time after visiting my moms to help her fix her place up. I was going to move back home and after going to her place every day I noticed how bad the condition was. At this very same time Vanessa by the way that's her name. She was breaking up with Jeff. They had a major fight I have no idea about what but he put her and their baby out and she asked my sis could she help her and my sis offered my moms place.

At this point I rethought moving there as I needed a little more privacy and I usually am a private guy and I didn't know her so I decided to ask my sis about staying with her until I get a place but I wanted to put all my money into my mother's place to help her and I couldn't do both me and her so I chose my mom to help remodel her place. I then moved with my sis. Everything was cool I continued on living my life the way I was. I didn't like living with my sis really because I like my own place but it was nice to be close to her. I enjoyed the time there, my brother in law got on my nerves. It was cool we bickered all the time but never fought. We had the same views and opinions and only opposites attract so you can understand the situation.

So I went to my moms like everyday because I had to take care of my business like my kids were there. I saw Vanessa but I kept it moving never looked her way because I didn't look at her in this way. After a while as it was told to me she became fond of me and asked my sister about me. My sister said to me one day hey bro she been through a lot which I felt a little bad for her for having being in this situation living with someone she isn't family too and being from so far away. My sis asked me to take her out and show her a good time. I said it's cool I will do that. I was the party king anyway I figure she can jump on board.

The next time I went to my moms I said something to her about it and she was shy but was cool. We decided to go hang out. I took her to a place in Olde city and we had a couple drinks and light bite. We walked around and talked mostly. She shocked me at the end as we were sitting on the wall down Olde City she leaned toward me and kissed me. I was like wow okay. It was cool but I didn't expect it, it wasn't planned. I often worried if she was using me to get over her ex or if that was her intentions. I stayed around and decided okay let's be friends and hang out.

Well not much time went by and we decided to be in a relationship. I'm talking 2 weeks ha! We moved quick. A burden has always been on my mind because of Jeff and I felt as if she was never mine anyway. I often said that to her as we broke up the thousands of times we did during the course of ten years. I always felt like I done Jeff wrong although I didn't necessarily have a close relationship with him I knew him. My brother in law told me to do it, not a cop out but he encouraged me it was cool. At the time I wanted to apologize to Jeff. I would say now so much time has passed I figure he's cool about it and It's all good.

Anyway, I started a plan to remodel the entire home at my moms and convinced everyone to move together in another rental home until I finished the task. They did and we all moved into a house including my sis and her husband because they were going to do the same to their home. To make a long story short after about a few weeks I started to not like the close relationship she had with my brother in law. I saw something I din't like and I decided to fight with my brother in law and make her move out and I sent her back home to North Carolina where she's from.

Wow that was an extreme blow to my emotions. We really didn't stay in contact much. She decided after a while to move on and so did I. I went back to my lifestyle. She decided to start another relationship but she wasn't happy at all. She always thought about me. One day after she illegally stalked my cell phone using her job's interface because she worked for the cell phone company she listened in on my message left by my kid's mother. This chick is crazy she is your natural born spy. I think she assumed at that point I was into something with my kids mother. She was wrong. She eventually after having enough of her realizing that she can't get me off her mind she broke down and asked my sis again for my number. Anyone who knows me knows I change numbers every 6 months. At this time she asked she decided instead of snooping or stalking she would call. She did and we talked. We talked so much it was ridiculous. Then we decided to make a long distance relationship work. We had long distance fun. She would come up to visit and I would come there.

Often we would bring the kids and meet in Virginia and stay at hotels. I had some suspicions about her ex because I also snooped through her email where I saw some things and she was still seeing him. I was hurt and decided not to speak to her again. She cried to me to please not be that way. I didn't and returned to be with her. I gave her a ring but never really said will you marry me. I was still skeptical but knew I wanted to be with her. Finally she decided to move to Philly and we moved in together. It was not good. It was lies first I won't go into detail because I don't want judgmental comments. But the lies were from her. It was a lot of immature behavior on both of us. I had a temper and a sharp tongue. I mustv'e made her feel extremely bad. I also felt it was justified do to the hurt and pain she was putting me through with her attitude. To make a long story short it was hell and a lot of arguing. We made up and broke up literally 1000 times. We finally decided to leave each other by moving away but we still wanted to be friends. We still slept together. She had a friend she never told me about I had a friend I told her about but not about them all so we were both guilty.

I had plenty of friends but none I loved like her. I never was the type to give any women time to get on my nerves or hurt me. Being dismissed was my specialty but for some odd reason even after all this aggravation I love her. We moved apart and I got me a place and so did she. We was cool but she carried on pain and still caused arguments because of it. We argued much more but still stayed in each other's bed. We decided to move on and I told her hey I am dating someone I told her the girl's name and it must've drove her crazy.

We fought repeatedly and we broke up being friends at least 500 times literally. I am seriously not telling you about all the arguments but when I give you the count of times we broke up count that as an extreme very serious argument. That's a lot of arguing. Somehow one day I decided hey I want you to still have your ring. I was cleaning out my closet so to speak and felt like I wanted to move on and be at peace with everyone. I gave it back to her because I said at the time I gave it to her because I loved her not anything else so it's yours. She was shocked and we decided to take a trip to her hometown for a family reunion together. Just recently we had a name calling blasting argument because she snooped in my email and found a love letter from another woman. Why was she upset??? I don't know. Anyway we talked all the way down and she told me she's had her mind on me constantly and she had a friend but nothing but that. Needless to say that was a lie. Her and her friend were closer than she was willing to share. I was hurt oh by the way I broke into her iphone and read the text messages. I felt I owed her that. Anyway we argued and hated each other for a few hours but we made crazy passionate love to one another and said let's just be up front tell all of our business and say let's move on together because it's obvious we are inseparable.

We did and I left out some details because I didn't want her to make me stop being friends with one girl who was helping me out a great deal with a business I was starting. I din't tell her I had sex with her. So now we thought we knew everything about each other and we can move forward with the promise to keep it only us nobody else. We argued still repeatedly about her attitude and mouth. She and I agreed she would seek counseling and then we would go together. That somewhat happened but not really well.

We fought still about stupid things but it was mainly hidden hurt causing quick tempers. One day when I thought everything was cool she called me and asked me did I sleep with the girl I said I didn't sleep with. She snooped through my email once again and found some evidence we were closer than business friends. I told her okay I did. I thought she would be able to get over it quick because it was during our time of breakup and she had her friend who she say she didn't sleep with and I believed her until I said you know what let me look through her email and I found some incriminating evidence suggesting that such is not the case with her also. Wow she was cold toward me still and I started feeling as if I can't go on with her knowing this. She insisted they didn't sleep together. This guy works on her job so I was very skeptical and scared of ongoing infidelity if I trust her.

This cold attitude she took toward me was the same as I was toward her in the past. It seemed I tasted my own medicine. I felt so hurt that she could talk to me so cold and low down that I felt convicted of my own works. I felt so hurt it seemed my world was getting dark. My depression was very noticeable I was advised to see a counselor. I sought a counselor and told him everything. I was given a game plan and a exercise to clean our record so to speak.

After the counselor listened to every thing from day one of me and her. He concluded that was were extremist and as with every thing done in an extreme way there must be a downfall. We made our decisions to move together be together marry and all in extreme. Never a time did we responsibly get to really know each other. He was right. He advised that since the trust and communication was destroyed was obviously the love wasn't we could try one thing.

We had to start over. We had to leave each other the old us and reintroduce ourselves. He said create a scenario on how we met. Give new names and start over again. He said we weren't allowed to associate the past with the new person for they have a new name therefore they our a new person. I can't say I don't trust her and she can't say she don't trust me because we just met. We have to judge on another on what we are proving to each other on who we are showing each other from this day forward. This process will reprogram our  minds to not think of past hurt or guilt therefore our actions won't be based on emotional distress.

This process takes time but has a high success rate. You really have to live it he advised. he said if we did move one with someone else we would not trust or know how to communicate with the new person either so why mot re-learn it all over again with the one you know you love. I was really good with this idea as I think this will work. I told Vanessa about it and she was excited. We would be new and show us who we really are. Nothing of the past exist on the present and future no matter what. If you don't know anything about the next man or woman you meet then you know nothing of me. We agreed and it started off very exciting. I finally felt relieved as I always wanted to fully forgive her of past issues but I never knew how to fully let go of the pain.

I am now looking at her like she's a new person and I myself feel re-invented. I feel new I even look new. I drop some pounds due to not eating after depression and I am almost at my model weight. Excellent!! I thought. Vanessa became Kee and Tony became Ty. Kee was excited about this as much as I was but was going through awkward feelings because Tony and Vanessa still had to co-parent.
I told her at my fraternity we have two meetings in one meeting we are not allowed to discuss anything about what has to be said in the other meeting and vice versa. This is done the same way. She can call me or I her and say this is a parent call and we will discuss our business together with out child. After which we have to hang up and if we choose call each other back as our new self and discuss what is pleasurable to us only regarding only us. I liked this. I was having fun. She seemed like maybe it was too much for her.

This is our only hope though. I will court her again and she will do me and if we decide we are the ones for each other we will continue to do what we always wanted and be married and live finally happily ever after.
We agreed no matter what or how awkward this is we would do this because we are willing to do whatever it takes. Wow new woman means no sex. This bothered me but I was cool with it. I get to work for it once again and once again it will be exciting like the very first time. I am hoping she will take this as serious as I am at the moment.

I always wanted to blog everyday of my relationship but never did so since I am really starting a new relationship I am going to do so. Every detail I will add of every day or highlight. I am the most romantic man alive and I know how to seduce a woman's mind body and spirit so she is about to get the full effect. I hope I am going to receive the same. I won't worry about that I'm just going to do me and have fun, and so it starts day ONE,

We are going on a date tonight I am taking her bowling at North Bowl a nice place in Philly. She never went bowling ever in her life wow. We never did things like that because by the way we have a daughter and before we could get through the arguing to enjoy our self we had a child so it's been nothing too much exciting going on as far as dating.

I will meet her at 8pm. Hope this works.... I have picked her up a first date gift. I read a fortune cookie earlier this morning that said "Even a small gift could mean so much to someone today".  So I decided to Google small gifts and after looking at all the ones suggested a teddy bear caught my attention. So while at the market later on I picked up her a gift, an Oshko love bear. It read on the shirt " You are special"