Okay well we went out like I said I took her to the North Bowl. It was a two hour wait for bowling so we decided to just have drinks and possibly go out to eat at an Asian restaurant. From the beginning of the night I was smiling I really felt a new person. I gave her the gift she loved it. I really like this. The night went well and we talked about ourselves in the way that two new people do. My fear about this was that she or I would not love the new person or seem as if all the past to build this love we have would erase. I don't know but the new thing is cool. We walked about six blocks to the bowling alley and it was nice. We went in and it seems for a Saturday night nobody was really there. After about an hourmore women packed the place then men.
We decided to maybe go eat at about 11:15pm. I got to my car and she got to hers and we agreed hey she can stay or park at my place and jump in with me. My intentions was to take her to this restaurant called POD. They were closed. So I decided to take her to chinatown. We never made it there. On the way we had to have a parent conversation so we did. She asked about what time she could pick up our daughter from my moms. I told her 7 to 7:30. Or if my lil sis doesn't want to go to church early then later. She seemed to not understand that I guess I wasn't being concrete on the time. I kept telling her I got this its cool. That mustve rubbed her the wrong way. I told her do I question you with your mom when it comes to our daughter no I don't so let me take care of it I got it. Well needless to say that turned into a big argument.
I made a u turn and took her back to the parking lot. On the way she turned into the cold quick to say hurtful person again. She started to cuss I was too. It got really intense. When we got back she asked to stay an hour to wear off any alcohol I said cool. When I went in the house she didn't follow me so I figured she mustve changed her mind and she just want her keys so I went upstairs to get her keys. I turned around and she was at the door so I gave them to her. She went to her car and texted me that since I allowed her to get on the road she was done with Tony and Ty forever. I knew she was saying this to hurt me.
I told her after a few text rebuttals exclaiming I'm done too. I said finally u turn your car and come back. Eventually she did and she got in my car. Tempers still flaring we drove a block away and I pulled over. She said to me again alluding to her being done with me. I snapped I went off I told her to get the fuck on then. It went on with me yelling at the top of my lungs for about twenty minutes maybe a little less. I was losing it. I pushed her toward the car door. I don't know why.Someone called the cops. Luckily I pulled off a block or two before they came screaming around the corner. Keep in my this is a quiet surburban township so neighbors was probably all calling at once and at 12 midnight makes it worse.
I felt lucky that I was gone by the time they got there they would've arrested me on site for anything they could. So we still yelled and finally exhaustion set it and I had to stop. The liquor on my empty stomach was making me sick. I drove somewhere I never will go again, Mcdonalds. The only place open and the worst fake food I hate to buy it. I couldn't even swallow the dried up salty plastic tasting fries. I bought her nuggets, six piece. We went back to my place and was still hot but since my son was sleep he's almost 13 we kept quiet. She went in my room to sleep and I stayed in the living room.
I went in my room and asked her to tell me what is it that she wants to do. I just wanted her to tell me rationally that this is what she really feel and not something she's saying out of anger. She said she wanted to stay. I asked her if she wanted me to sleep in the bed beside her she said yeah. We slept and talked and got sleepy and fell alseep. After about twenty minutes of semi sleep I woke up and kissed her. She kissed me back and we made love and went back to sleep. She left about 5 am and we hug and barely kissed. At this time I felt as if I had no other way that I can think of that works so I will start looking to live my life without her.
I got up about 8:30am Sunday morning. I checked my phone I had no text but an email from her and a recommended youtube video. It was Tamar Braxton thinking about you all the way home. In the email she said she doesn't want anybody else and she sorry for talking to me the way she did to hurt me. I was happy to see this but after listening to the songs lyrics I heard her say she just want some time alone. So I said that must be what she's trying to tell me.
I texted her a response saying I love you but I will give you what you want. She said she didn't want that. We exchanged about 7 or 8 textes sharing how much we love each other. It was refreshing. She called me to say she loves me and she doesn't want to ever see me that hurt again. I also apologized to her for my wrong doings as well. We talked more on the phone about marriage weddings holidays celebrations everything. We talked about us. She doesn't want to role play any longer. She just wants to be us but with the same concept. I said that's cool with me. She also told me she slept with the Oshko love bear....:)
We talked for a while, I told her I wanted her here with me and she agreed to come but first she has to go to the bridal shower with my sis. I said okay. I told her I will cook later. She decided to come on now so I can drop her off at the expo instead of finding a parking space. I am waiting. It seems I don't have it in me anymore to walk away from someone I love. Years ago it seemed I could run on a woman as if I did it for a living. But with her I can't move. Almost as if I'm being controlled. My mind won't let me leave her.
Even though we fight more than we love I can't break it off. I still am in love with her and she says she adores me and she wants only me. I am willing to forget the past I don't know about her. I guess I would be upset if she admitted to sleeping with 3 other men. I hope she can forget it. I was single but I know still it was hurtful during our separation. I was hurt with her moving on but I realize I hurt more without her so I would rather not judge her. I hope she can do me the same way.
I am waiting for her to come over. Remembering our conversation at last night's date I decided to cook for her. She said she used to love the smell of homemade gravy growing up in the south. She said when she would smell that cooking on the stove she would look in the pots and always see elbow noodles, soft smoked meat, turkey necks of course for me pinto beans and bisquits. So I am going to remind her of home and cook that for her. The whole apt will smell like that meal. I hope everything goes right tonight.
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